Dealing:A What If Story
by TaralovesWillow
Summary: Willow went, not Tara. Tara deals. pg13 to be safe. I OWN NOTHING


Summery: Willow died in seeing red, not Tara. Rating PG-13.  
  
Feedback would be most welcomed  
  
  
  
Tara lay up against the headboard of her bed. Actually her and Willow bed. Their bed. Tara stared at the dried blood that was still on the carpet. She still wasn't able to get the blood out after all these months. Willow's blood. Tears came to Tara's as she tried to repressed the memory.  
  
*FLASH BACK*  
  
" Hey cloths!" Willow said fixing her shirt. "Better not get used to them." Tara said a big grin crossing across her face. "Yes ma'am." Willow pulled Tara into a kiss. Tara wrapped her arms around Willow. "Xander." Tara stated looking through the mini blinds. "Ok, not the response I was fishing for." "No, he's here." Tara said pointing to the window. Willow went over to the window and looked out. Tara went over to a dresser, opened one of the drawers and started to looking through things.  
  
"You think they're making up?" Willow asked eyeing the figures of Xander and Buffy. "I hope so that's the best part." Tara cooed, and looked at her girlfriend, a big smile crossing her face.  
  
Only minutes past till it happened.  
  
'BANG.'  
  
Glass broke and then blood splashed on Tara's shirt. "Tara." Willow whispered before hitting the ground. "Willow?" Tara questioned taking the body into her arms.  
  
"Willow?" Tara cried again. There was blood seeping out of the whole the bullet made by Willow's heart. "Willow! No! Willow! Come back please! Willow!" She cried shaking Willow's body lighting. "No! Willow! WILLOW!! NO!!" She screamed. "NO! This can't happened!! PLEASE!! WILLOW!!!!!!!!" She felt over come with anger and sorrow.  
  
This was her lover. Her girlfriend. The only woman that she could ever really love. "WILLOW!!!!!" She screamed over and over again. "COME BACK!!!!!! COME BACK PLEASE!!!" She screamed through tears, till her voice grew horse.  
  
*END FLASHBACK*  
  
Tara winced at the memory of it. Warren shot Buffy and he also Willow by complete mistake. Buffy recovered from her bullet. But Willow could never. Never. She gazed at the picture of her and Willow. She would never hold Willow in her arms. Never talk to her. Never kiss her. What hurt her most was she would never look at Willow in the flesh. Ever again.  
  
Tara tried to hold back the sob that wanted to escape. She couldn't cry. She was cried out. She was exhausted. So tried. Tried of crying. Tried of living in a world without Willow. Her lover.  
  
Knock. Knock.  
  
"Tara, it's me." Dawn's voice came from behind the door. "Can I come in?" She asked but got no answer. "Tara?"  
  
Nothing.  
  
"Tara, come on answer me please." Still nothing. Dawn gripped the key in her hand. "Tara, I don't want to let myself in but if that's what I have to." She let her voice trail off. Sighing, Dawn put the key into the slot and turned the doorknob.  
  
She saw Tara there sitting on the bed. She walked over and sat beside her and chose her words as carefully as she could. "Tara, I know you miss Willow. I miss her too. So does Buffy, Xander, and Giles. But you can't stay shut up in this room forever. It's been five months already. And I think you should move on."  
  
Tara frowned. She was at a lose for words. She wasn't angry at Dawn. It wasn't her fault Willow was killed. That Willow was taken from her like that. That Willow had to die like that. Not Dawn's fault. Not Buffy's. Not Xander's. Not Giles's. Was it her fault?  
  
No! Don't think like that Tara. She screamed at her self. She closed her eyes. Feeling Willow's touch. Her voice. Her skin. The way she walked. The way she smiled, laugh, joked. Her little tongue twisters that she did some times. She wouldn't do any of the any more.  
  
"Tara, your scaring me. Open your eyes." Dawn demanded lightly. Tara opened her eyes to see a blurry vision. "W-w-what?" Dawn just looked at her sadly and wrapped her arms around Tara.  
  
Tara walked up the stairs of the house, something was right. The walls were white, the stairs were white, the rail was white, her dress was white, the hallway, everything: white. She turned the corner, walked up to the door to the room her and Willow shared, and opened it.  
  
A tall female with red hair wearing a white shirt and pants turned around. "Hi Tara." Willow said smiling at Tara. "Willow!" Tara exclaimed running and pulling her girlfriend into a hug.  
  
"It's you! You're alive!" Tara exclaimed happily. Willow smiled at looked at her. "Of corse I'm alive! Why wouldn't I be?" Tara looked at Willow with her eyes full of tears. "Willow. Promise me you'll never leave me." Willow looked at Tara. "I'll never leave you. I promise." Tara kissed her. This is how it should always be. Her and Willow like this. Forever.  
  
Boy, was she wrong.  
  
Tara felt something wet on Willow's shirt. She broke away from the kiss only to see blood covering Willow's shirt. "Tara. I love you. Forever " Willow whispered before falling limp in Tara's arms and closing her eyes.  
  
"Willow! No! You promised me you'll never leave me!" Tara shouted, shaking Willow and watching as the blood spread all over her. "Oh, God Willow!" She screamed. Blood ran down Willow's body and on to Tara's dress.  
  
Out of fright she let go of Willow's and backed away. Blood was now running onto the carpet and spreading. Tara turned to the door only to see Warren with a gun pointing directly at her.  
  
"You." Tara bitterly. "What the hell are you doing here!?" She demanded. "You like the little number I did to your girlfriend, bitch? Well your going to like this even better."  
  
BANG.  
  
He shot her. She yelped in pain and fell to the ground.  
  
Her vision was growing blurry. All she could see was a blurry Warren standing over her. "You bastard!" She screamed, and coughing up blood at the same time He pointed the gun and pulled the trigger.  
  
Tara sat up right in her bed, gasping and sweating. She pulled the covers off and stepped out of bed, shaking. She walked to her closet pulled out a black skirt and valet long sleeved black shirt. Then she put on a pair of black sandals.  
  
She turned to the door and looked at the knob. You can do this. She put her hand on the handle and walked out.  
  
The house was dark. Well, duh! It's ten at night. She pointed out. She walked down the stairs and to the door. With out hesitation she turned the handle and walked out into the night.  
  
She started to pass the high school and stopped at the front of the new Sunnydale High School, it had been rebuilt. Tara over heard Buffy say that Spike had gone crazy in the basement. Tara just turned her head and kept on walking.  
  
Tara walked into the crowed Bronze She looked around and finally sat down at the bar. "Any thing I can get you?" The bar tender asked. "A margarita." She answered. "What kind." "Strawberry." Strawberry. That was Willow's favorite. A few minutes later the bar tender brought back her drink.  
  
She must have sat there for what seemed like hours. A man came by and sat by her.  
  
"Now, tell me." The man started. "What is a pretty young woman doing out here in a place like this alone?" Tara was speechless. What was she doing here? Was she looking for something? Did she want to get away? "Why don't you come dance with me. And we can go from there."  
  
Tara let it all happen. The man took her hand and led her to the floor. She didn't know what happened after that. He took her out of the Bronze and led her to an ally behind it.  
  
It was like she was in a daze. She felt him push her hair behind her neck. "What are you-" She tried to ask. "Shh. It's alright." He whispered. He sank his fangs into her neck.  
  
Tara tried to scream but no sound came out. She felt blood drain from her neck. Was this the end of it for her? Would she go and be with Willow? "Willow." She whispered out loud.  
  
She could feel dust partials hit her clothes. She snapped out of her daze. Tara saw Buffy standing before her. Stake in hand, and a sad look on her face. Tara sanked to the ground, on her knees.  
  
Buffy kneeled down to meet Tara's eyes. "Tara," She said firmly but genitally. "Tara, What happened?" Buffy asked, placing her hands on Tara's shoulders trying to give her comfort  
  
Tara stared at Buffy before answering. "I-I-I-I h-had th-this n-n- nightmare, w-when I-I-I w-woke u-up I c-c-came t-t-to Th-th-the Br-br- bronze th-this g-g-g-guy a-a-asked m-m-me t-t-t-to d-d-dance-" She paused to gather her breath "I-I didn't really give h-him answer, h-h-he j-j-just sorta led me to the f-f-floor and t-then th-th-this h-h-happened."  
  
Tara was breathing heavily after she was finished. Buffy helped Tara get on her feet but Tara's knees wouldn't let her stand. So Buffy carried Tara home.  
  
In the living room was where Buffy, Dawn, Giles and Xander sat. "Is she alright?" Dawn asked. "She'll be fine. I think." Buffy replied. "You think?" Dawn said. "Well, I don't know. Has she been fine the last couple five months?" Buffy retorted "No." Dawn said quietly. "Why did she go out?" Xander asked. "She could have wanted some air." Buffy suggested.  
  
There was nothing but silence in the room for the next couple of minutes.  
  
"What about a grief counselor?" Buffy stated. "What if he or she asked about something Scooby related?" Dawn asked.  
  
"I have a friend in town who used to be in the Watcher's Council. She quit and became a grief counselor. She only in town for a few months but she can help Tara." Giles announced.  
  
"Then we should make the appointment." Buffy implied  
  
"What if she doesn't want to go." Dawn retorted.  
  
"We can always make her."  
  
"Sure, we can drag her in kicking and screaming, tie her down to a chair, and force her to talk. That would work." Dawn said with sarcasm.  
  
"I was just suggesting." Buffy defended herself.  
  
"I'm going to go talk to her." Xander interrupted, getting up and walking up the stairs.  
  
In the bathroom room Tara looked in the mirror, looking away she pulled out a razor. She held it up and stared at it.  
  
You can end this. She told herself. You can end this right now and get it over with. She turned and saw the shower knobs. Just turn them on and they'll think you are in the shower.  
  
Flip. Off with the razor cap.  
  
Come on, it won't hurt. Her hand was shaking now. A little cut. Some blood. No big deal. Think about it. Think about Willow. "Willow." You can see her. You two can be happy. Together. You. Her. One happy couple. The way it should be. She started to breathe heavily. Come on. Just one little silt. That's all there is to it.  
  
Some one entered the bathroom. Damn, forgot to lock the door. Her hand was shaking. She didn't have a good grip on it. She put the razor to her skin. One cut that's all it takes.  
  
"Tara,. let it go." Tara's hand grew limp and she lost her grip on the razor. She turned to Xander, and put her face in his shoulder. He stroked her shoulder giving her comfort.  
  
"Shh. It's alright." She backed away from him. "Alright? Willow is dead!" She said with tears pouring down her face, "And you saw is' 'alright'?! NO! It's not alright. Everything is not! Nothing!" She shouted, trying to leave.  
  
Xander held out his arm, wrapped it around her shoulder, and tried to hold her close. She started to beat her hands against his chest. He put his hands on hers to make her stop. She struggled to get free. "No! Xander let me go! Please! Let me go." She begged. "Not until you stop fighting, It's time to let go Tara. Willow wouldn't want you to tear yourself up because of her. Let it go Tara." He tighten his grip on her. "Let me go! Please! Oh God!"  
  
She collapsed in sobs against his chest. He then guided her to her bedroom, where he pulled her into an embrace.  
  
"That's right. Let it go. Let it all go." At his words her sobs grew harder. Xander rocked her back and forth giving her the best comfort he could.  
  
After awhile, he looked down at her. Tears were still coming down her face, just at less speed. She was clam now, and he figured it was the best time to tell her. "Tara," He started genitally. "Yes?" She asked pulling out of the embrace.  
  
"Giles has this friend who used to work in the Watcher's Council, she now works in grief counseling. Maybe, if you want to, you can go see her. To talk." She looked down at the bed for a minute.  
  
"Will you make the appointment for me?" She mumbled.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Will you make the appointment for me?" She said again making eye contact. "I-I-I w-want t-t-to g-g-g-get better."  
  
"I know you do. I'll do that for you." Tara smiled, despite the tears on her face.  
  
"W-will y-y-you c-c-come w-with me?" She asked. "You know wait in the waiting room."  
  
"Of corse I will." He said nodding his head. Tears of joy formed in Tara's eyes. "Thank you." She said, before letting out a sigh of relief.  
  
Tara squeezed Xander's hand. She was nervous as hell. She sat there, trembling a little. A grin curved up on his face.  
  
"Butterflies?" He asked. Tara nodded.  
  
"Tara Maclay." The woman called from behind the desk.  
  
Tara went white, jumped up and turned to Xander. "Xander." She whispered. "I can't do this." He stood up and ran his fingers through her hair. "Yes, you can. I'm going to be right here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise." Xander put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around so she was facing the door she would walk through.  
  
"Now go." He said before giving her a slight push. "Thank you." She whispered. And she started walking on the road to recovery 


End file.
